Phil, an insurance salesman in his late-70's, stops at a shopping center on his way home from work and decides to purchase some flowers for his wife, Nancy, who is in her mid-70’s. As he leaves the flower shop he notices a candy store across the way. He enters and purchases for her a box of truffles.
When he gets home, his hands full of goodies, he rings the bell. Nancy opens the door. When she sees what Phil is carrying she begins to cry. Phil, confused, asks her why she is upset.
She says, "This has been a terrible day. I dropped my favorite cake plate and it broke. I was supposed to have lunch with some friends and they got sick and cancelled. Our telephone system was messed up and it took me almost all day to get in touch with the phone repair service.
AND NOW YOU COME HOME DRUNK!!!!!”
:))
:))
Okay, so I copped out last week. I admit it.
I held this blog until today. I used the excuse of "Halloween" to write up a dissertation on death, and going backwards from there. Don't get me wrong; I'll be 85 in the not-too-distant future so I obviously do think about this "life" (not a typo) passage.
But I needed a few days to lighten up a bit and discuss the very personal topic of ... senior romance.
You see, I'm pretty cut-and-dry on the matter.
A good friend of mine, 50 years old, has a grandmother who is still kicking (she is still alive, as opposed to the option). She lost her first husband at 70, grieved, regrouped and married again at 73. She lost him when she was 81, grieved, regrouped ... then started dating again because, as she says, "I didn't want to strike out!"
So she dated a special man for several years, and lost him at 90. At that point, she gave up on the dating scene.
Today, my friend's grandmother rests in a New Jersey nursing home. She is 96, having lost most of her memory in the intervening years. Yet she still has a smile, and will tell you when you see her, "I really miss that man."
Thing is, we don't know what man she's talking about!
As you know, I lost my beloved wife a couple of short years ago. Following my initial grieving stage, I began to ask myself, fairly frequently, "Bernie, would you ever consider marriage again?"
It's human nature for the good and moral among us to question whether we would be cheating on a deceased spouse, or special friend, with another following their passing.
I see nothing wrong with it. IF the dating is commenced in a respectful matter.
In my upcoming book, “How To Prepare For Old Age ("If You Haven’t Married Into a Wealthy Family”), I write about this very personal consideration. In my case, while I was not looking for romance when I became a widower, I've come to the following conclusion:
It’s never too late to have a fling
For autumn is just as nice as spring
And it’s never too late to fall in love.
Surprisingly, while I was not seeking such a relationship I soon discovered that it was seeking me! Keep reading my Senior Moments to learn the outcome of that drama.
I presently live in a "retirement community" (not a "nursing home"; many do not understand the difference). I can come and go as I please and trained staff are present around the clock.
I feel free and I feel safe. Not a bad combination!
The thing is, there are many women as one would expect in my "community." In fact, I never have to leave the building!
However, I would like to know about their life experiences first and foremost. Have they been married? Are they widowed? Are they ... looking?
At the end of the day, I am not looking for a mate. Yet. But ... I always keep my eyes open for a new "special friend." (And no, I'm not referring to a "booty call" as some of you young-timers are probably wondering - where the heck do you come up with these terms, anyway?)
To me, a "special friend" is almost like a "companion." A companion is someone to talk to, someone you can relate to, someone you can laugh and cry with, share a meal or maybe a movie with.
If romance were to happen, then it would happen naturally ...
I am teased that when my new book is released, "How to Prepare for Old Age (If You Haven't Married into a Wealthy Family)", I will have women coming at me from every direction!
Okay by me! But ... they need to pass the "Bernie Test" first. This exam is comprised of one simple question: "Do you like me for me, or because I'm now a worldwide celebrity?"
Of course I'm kidding. Seriously though? It all comes down to what we have in common, and if we both deem the feelings are real and of course, mutual.
And that's all I have to say about that!
But then ... we need to consider something else ...
Admittedly, sex is not my favorite subject to discuss so openly. But, I've been asked, and more than once, so ...
Why am I so gun-shy on the matter? I'm not, actually. It's just, to me, sex is a private matter between two consenting adults.
Period.
What one practices in the comfort of one's own home is their business. It does not effect me in any way.
Period.
Do I enjoy the occasional risqué joke? When you see me in person, give me your best. I may or may not steal it for future use, but -- Nevermind!
Period.
Why this preoccupation with sex in the media and from many of my readers?
For the first time, I'm speechless. I have no clue so ... I really have nothing more to say on this matter either.
Well, actually I do but you need to read my book for that ...
Period.
See you tomorrow, as we resume our regularly-scheduled programming. Our next "episode" will be all about accepting us seniors for who we are and not who you want us to be ...
Bernard ("Bernie") Otis is the author of the upcoming international bestseller, "How To Prepare For Old Age (If You Haven't Married Into A Wealthy Family)". If you have a question or comment, please send me an email to seymour.otis@gmail.com.
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