Wednesday, August 6, 2014

THE 45 LESSONS OF LIFE ...


Very often blog readers send me quotations, copies of articles and funny stories which are so appropriate to the things I write about, that with their permission I use them in place of my own thoughts.

My biggest contributor to this process is Joan Vieweger, a principal of my favorite custom candy maker Choclatique (www.choclatique.com). I know you will enjoy its message.

This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! Make sure you read to the end!!!!!!

Regina Brett
90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio:

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short enjoy it.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the future.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye, but don't worry, God never blinks.

16.. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19.. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative of dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you need

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.


Bernard ("Bernie") Otis is the author of the upcoming international bestseller, "How To Prepare For Old Age (If You Haven't Married Into A Wealthy Family)". If you have a question or comment, or a personal story about life and aging, please send me an email to seymour.otis@gmail.com

For the world's finest instant coffee, please visit me at http://bernardsotis.myorganogold.com/products .

And, please be sure to support my friend Lorrie Caplan Shern's work. Information about her book and blog can be found at www.givingbirthtomyparents.com, and her wonderful songs can be found on www.soundcloud.com. Her phone is 720-652-6655.




Friday, June 27, 2014

A TRIBUTE TO THE MOMS OF THE WORLD




The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two."

Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.

He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."


Today’s blog begins with an apology to all of the mothers in the world. How could I have been so careless as to write about a father’s role in our life, and completely have neglected to honor our mothers on Mother’s Day?

It is no wonder that I did not sleep well for the past month; my wonderful late mother, Marion Otis, and my remarkable Bubbie, Minnie Goldberg, were punishing me for such an oversight. And, while I never knew my paternal grandmother, Sarah Otis, I am certain she was right there with them.

I first became aware of the incredibly difficult task a mother plays in our lives in the late 1930’s, when America began to prepare for WWII. While my father’s role in an essential industry kept him out of the military, most of the men in our family and all others as well were being drafted. This left big voids in the care of families, as well as in the labor market - roles that had to be filled by mothers and grandmothers.

I watched as my mother went back to work, leaving early each morning after getting us off to school, returning at dinner time and helping Grandma get us ready for dinner, helping us with our homework and getting us ready for bed,

In addition, Mom had to take work breaks to get us to doctor’s appointments when we were ill, in need of various vaccinations and other child raising necessities.

In today’s world, while Dad does help with many of those chores, it is Mom who not only has to work to help pay the high cost of living, education and healthcare, as well as the growth of one parent families ... the additional burdens she carries are increasingly difficult.

And, in addition to all of this, our moms are faced with the increasingly difficult task of caring for their aging parents and our grandmothers who, if they are lucky enough to be in reasonably in good health, take care of their mates who themselves are dealing with memory or other physical problems.

So all of us, including the mates of these wonderful women who carry such a larger burden, and all of us including their husbands, need to shout a big "Thank You!" and find other ways to demonstrate appreciation for the efforts they make to see that we have a good life.

Finally, a word of advice. Please make an effort to forgive our moms if they don’t always see the world as we do; after all, you may be a mom some day.


“The mother–child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic. It requires the most intense love on the mother’s side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother and to become fully independent.”

Erich Fromm


My new Book: "How to Prepare For Old Age When You Haven't Married Into A Wealthy Family" will be available soon. Call or E-Mail me for details.See my Blog:seniormomentswithbernardsotis.blogspot.com/

Thursday, June 12, 2014

TO BE A FATHER


A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.

"So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic ... "Try doing it with the engine running"



In a few short days we will be paying tribute to our fathers' lives, and while I confess that I did not write a blog for our mothers on Mother's Day (that tribute will come soon), having had a most wonderful father myself - one whose qualities I could not even come close to emulating, it is important to stop for a moment and look at how your lives are affected by the man of the house.

Fathers have no formal training, they learn as they are doing. They play a major role in financially sustaining the family, act as advisors and consultants to the children of the family and have the task of making certain that our mothers are supported in their efforts to give us a good life.

Fathers also have one other difficult job, one which often places great pressure on them and that is to make certain that while teaching us right from wrong and advising us how to live a good life and to enjoy success, that they not give into their weaknesses and act in a way which is in conflict with what they are teaching us.

Another joke: A father was sitting with his son telling him to always be truthful. The telephone rang and the son answered it. He turned to his dad and said, "It is Mr. Adams your insurance man." 

The father replied  "Tell him I am not here"

Dads work long hours, often travel in their work and also carry the burden of taking care of their aging parents (as well as those of their wife). And sometimes in order to protect their family will silently carry burdens that make their own life difficult.


So to all you young folks out there I have this message, love your Dad, forgive his errors in judgment, listen to his advice and teachings while at the same time using your own instincts in making decisions that affect your life ...

When you yourself become a father you will suddenly realize the meaning this blog.

This lesson speaks for itself.- It's not easy being a Dad and at the same time learning to be one.

Have a Happy Fathers Day.



Bernard ("Bernie") Otis is the author of the upcoming international bestseller, "How To Prepare For Old Age (If You Haven't Married Into A Wealthy Family)". If you have a question or comment, or a personal story about life and aging, please send me an email to seymour.otis@gmail.com

And, please be sure to support my friend Lorrie Caplan Shern's work. Information about her book and blog can be found at www.givingbirthtomyparents.com, and her wonderful songs can be found on www.soundcloud.com. Her phone is 720-652-6655.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

ARE YOU PREPARED TO DO WHAT YOU SHOULD DO?



One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all about the front yard. The door to his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and a throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room, the TV was blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, Breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand lay piled up by the back door.

The man quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and other piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried that she might be ill, or worse!!

He found her lounging in the bedroom, still in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She smiled, looked up at him and asked how his day went. He looked at her, bewildered, and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?"

"Yes," he replied reluctantly.

She answered, "We'll, today I didn't do it!!"


Common sense says that I should not have to write about the subject of today's blog because everyone knows what steps they need to take to protect those elderly persons in their life -- for whose health and care they are responsible.

Unfortunately, however, that is not the case.

Over the past year I have visited dozens of hospitals, nursing homes, private homes and assisted living centers where the aged are being cared for. In addition, six of my close friends have either  died or are totally incapacitated due to injuries from falls that could have been prevented - had those responsible for them acted as they knew they should have.

Here is just one example of what I am referring to. There is a man in an assisted living center who is 101 years old. He is almost totally blind and walks (actually shuffles) with a walker. He comes from a very caring family and has a remarkable mind for a man his age. But he cannot find his way without help, and often other residents of the facility have to aid him - even though they themselves are not physically in good shape either.

He himself does not want help and his family has asked the facility to watch over him, but they are short-staffed and cannot always do so. Anyone who sees him will agree that he needs a full time caregiver at his side at all times.

The reluctance of his family to act, and the inability of the staff at the facility, is creating a catastrophe in the making.

If the failure of those responsible to make certain their loved ones have someone at their sides at all times is not enough, I just heard an advertisement by a major hospice organization promoting hospice care by phone.

What kind of society have we become?

If someone is sick enough to need hospice care, shouldn't we care enough to be certain it is hands-on and not remote? Maybe it's just cheaper, but come on!

I have lived with this kind of situation and I care about the safety and welfare of those who, in their declining years, obviously need minute-by-minute attention. They need it whether they want it or not, and you need to give it.

Don't YOU?


Bernard ("Bernie") Otis is the author of the upcoming international bestseller, "How To Prepare For Old Age (If You Haven't Married Into A Wealthy Family)". If you have a question or comment, or a personal story about life and aging, please send me an email to seymour.otis@gmail.com

And, please be sure to support my friend Lorrie Caplan Shern's work. Information about her book and blog can be found at www.givingbirthtomyparents.com, and her wonderful songs can be found on www.soundcloud.com. Her phone is 720-652-6655.











































Thursday, June 5, 2014

That's The Story of Life


Today's Short Reading from the Bible... from Genesis:

And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth.

Then He made the earth round...and He laughed and laughed and laughed.


Every once in a while I come across a writing or some poetry that describes the journey of life so eloquently that it is best quoted than for me to say it.

My friend and ardent blog reader Joan Vieweger, a principal of Choclatique (http://www.choclatique.com) who, along with her food genius partner Ed Engoron, run one of, if not 'the' world’s greatest of chocolate companies sent this poem to me.

While we do not know who wrote it, it certainly is certainly a powerful message and does not need any commentary from me:


Another year has passed

And we're all a little older.

Last summer felt hotter

And winter seems much colder.

There was a time not long ago

When life was quite a blast.

Now I fully understand

About 'Living in the Past'

We used to go to weddings,

Football games and lunches.
Now we go to funeral homes 

And after-funeral brunches.

We used to have hangovers,

From parties that were gay.

Now we suffer body aches 

And whine the night away.

We used to go out dining,

And couldn't get our fill.

Now we ask for doggie bags, 

Come home and take a pill.

We used to often travel

To places near and far.

Now we get sore asses 

From riding in the car.

 We used to go to nightclubs

And drink a little booze.

Now we stay home at night

And watch the evening news.

That, my friend is how life is,

And now my tale is told. 

So, enjoy each day and live it up...

Before you're too damned old!



Bernard ("Bernie") Otis is the author of the upcoming international bestseller, "How To Prepare For Old Age (If You Haven't Married Into A Wealthy Family)". If you have a question or comment, or a personal story about life and aging, please send me an email to seymour.otis@gmail.com

And, please be sure to support my friend Lorrie Caplan Shern's work. Information about her book and blog can be found at www.givingbirthtomyparents.com, and her wonderful songs can be found on www.soundcloud.com. Her phone is 720-652-6655.







Tuesday, June 3, 2014

HOW PREPARED ARE YOU? A TALE OF TWO PROFESSIONALS.



I guess I'm in a humorous frame of mind this morning. Here's another ...

Three nurses died and went to heaven, where they were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. 

To the first, he asked, "What did you do on Earth and why should you go to heaven?" 
"I was a nurse in an inner city hospital," she replied. "I worked to bring healing and peace to the poor, suffering city children." 

"Very noble," said St. Peter. "You may enter." And in through the Gates she went. 

To the next, he asked the same question, "So what did you do on Earth?" 

"I was a nurse at a missionary hospital in Africa," she replied. "For many years, I worked with a skeleton crew of doctors and nurses who tried to reach out to as many peoples and tribes with a hand of healing and with a message of God's love." 

"How touching," said St. Peter. "You too may enter." And in she went. 

He then came to the last nurse, to whom he asked, "So, what did you do back on Earth?" 

After some hesitation, she explained, "I was just a nurse at an H.M.O." 

St. Peter pondered this for a moment, and then said, "Okay, you may enter also." 

"Whew!" said the nurse. "For a moment there, I thought you weren't going to let me in." 

"Oh, you can come in," said St. Peter, "but you can only stay for three days..."

And, on that note ...

This is the story of two remarkable women, Noma Kaz and Sherry Litt, who work seven days a week and are dedicated to providing quality professional home health care services to their community.

They own and operate Lifeline Companion Services* in Southern California.

While I have made it a point not to commercialize my blog messages, this one must be told and I feel it important to provide real life examples of the point I am trying to make. 

After all, reality is essential in dealing with the subject of birth and death.

Similar services are available all over the country and I strongly urge my aging readers and their loved ones to immediately research the availability of qualified agencies like this in your geographical area.

Professionals like Noma and Sherry take time to know their patients, employ highly- skilled aids who can be trusted, and monitor what is happening in your home to be certain that you are receiving what you need, when you need it, and in a manner that gives you confidence that you are in the best hands.

They clearly understand the changes and challenges that home health care is undergoing, and the significant rise in costs that are effecting providers and users of such service. 

Their knowledge of licensing requirements, ethics, immigration laws, state and local healthcare laws and the importance of being able to properly communicate both with their clients and their families is part and parcel of the professionalism of such healthcare providers.

If you think that you can wait until the need arises for such services, you are making a huge mistake. Start early in life and continually update your information. If you think that all you have to do is pick up the phone to find such services you are wrong, and if you think that any cheap laborer can do the job you are again quite wrong.

I recall driving home from the hospital following Anna’s emergency surgery, and being told that she would need a home health care professional and wondering what to do. We were totally unprepared and did not even know what that meant. Fortunately, a close relative knew these wonderful woman and my problem was quickly resolved..

Regardless of where you live take action now – do not wait for the need to arise. Be prepared; it will be one of the best things you did.

While my upcoming book discusses this in detail, until it comes out and you wish to learn more about this issue, please send me an email at Seymour.Otis@gmail.com and I will send information to you.

*Please note that while I have no financial involvement in Lifeline Companion Services, I do act as a marketing advisor to them as a result of my experience during Anna’s illness and geographical location.

Bernard ("Bernie") Otis is the author of the upcoming international bestseller, "How To Prepare For Old Age (If You Haven't Married Into A Wealthy Family)". If you have a question or comment, or a personal story about life and aging, please send me an email to seymour.otis@gmail.com

And, please be sure to support my friend Lorrie Caplan Shern's work. Information about her book and blog can be found at www.givingbirthtomyparents.com, and her wonderful songs can be found on www.soundcloud.com. Her phone is 720-652-6655.


Thursday, May 29, 2014

Elders Benefiting Youth


A beautiful woman goes has a date with a very handsome man and they end up in the front seat of his car with their arms around each other. They are enjoying it, and he asks her if she would like to go in the backseat. She says "no". He asks her again and again she says "no". He becomes upset and asks her again. "Why not?" She replies, "Because I want to stay up here with you!"


Humility:

"Honor runs away from those who seek it, while honor pursues one who runs away from it."

"Honor runs away from one who pretends to run away from it."


Now that my book is in its final editing form and in the hands of the publisher, I think about what my next goal is. What does an 85 year old 16 year old kid with the strong mind, many years of business accomplishments and who is highly motivated do with his time???

And then I had a great idea inspired by a young woman by the name of Nooneh Kradjian, who I met accidentally while attending a rotary meeting.

Nooneh is a well-respected educator raising two teenage sons and she operates a Tutoring School in Southern California. Her unselfish dedication to helping to helping young people achieve their highest capabilities has earned her acclaim by all who know her.

One of her goals is to find a way to help underprivileged youth receive the educational help they need without cost, and she spends every living moment pursuing ways to do just that.

It occurred to me that older folks, like me, can help make that happen, while at the same time keeping involved in life.

I am not just speaking about myself, but all of those who I meet everyday who are retired and bored. We how about this---why not let the world know that you want to live out your life by sharing all that you have learned and offering to share your knowledge with those who are just starting, or are struggling, to grow their careers/businesses by helping them? You can do that via phone and computers for a few pennies of spending money, which can be passed on to Tutoring Schools like Nooneh's.
To die and take your knowledge with you is to me a life wasted. I can spend hours a day speaking to those with Marketing/Sales and Management needs creating excitement in my life and helping them in a most economical way.

It is not my intent to take business away from all of those excellent firms who help businesses prosper and grow, but rather to let the multitude of small growing business organizations with limited budgets know that there are wise folks out there who just for the love of what they do and know, enrich others as they continue the happy journey of life.

If you fall into either of these categories give me a call and let's become teammates as we share our knowledge while at the same time adding to the quality of our society.



Bernard ("Bernie") Otis is the author of the upcoming international bestseller, "How To Prepare For Old Age (If You Haven't Married Into A Wealthy Family)". If you have a question or comment, or a personal story about life and aging, please send me an email to seymour.otis@gmail.com

And, please be sure to support my friend Lorrie Caplan Shern's work. Information about her book and blog can be found at www.givingbirthtomyparents.com, and her wonderful songs can be found on www.soundcloud.com. Her phone is 720-652-6655.








Thursday, May 15, 2014

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A DEAD END!


Before beginning today’s Blog I want to bring my readers up to date on the story of young seven-year -old Amalia who I recently told you about. She has had surgery for her cancer and is about to go to Boston to a special radiation center to see if they can save her life. If you would like to help us raise the $300,000 needed to try to save her life, go to www.fundme.com---many. Many thanks.

Humor does not seem appropriate for today. Instead I repeat my Poem for her.


Pain and Suffering are not reserved Just for the Aging

Amalia is tiny, petite and ever so sweet
Just 7 years old and with a big smile did she us greet
As she laid quietly on the hospital bed
Gently resting her troubled spine and head

There was a dangerous growth eating away the bones in her body
Raising serious concern in the minds of her parents and everybody
That the life of this delicate loving child was in danger
And the community began in unity to say prayers for her

As we move through life there is one fact that is abundantly clear
That at times we must question why nature instills in us such pain and fear
But if we keep true to our faith we somehow gather the strength to grow through the storm
And with hope as our anchor return our life to its norm


I belong to an internet business discussion group. When I opened my computer this morning I found the following question on the site “What do you do when you have reached a dead end?” 

This reminded me of a situation that occurred when I was in my mid-teens. I had taken a job working for a major department store in Detroit. A few weeks after starting I was asked to attend a sales training program being conducted after hours in a storeroom of the facility.

The person conducting the session was a training consultant. He started the program by making the following statement, which has stuck with me all of these years: “If anyone in this room can look at a person who enters this store and know whether they will make a substantial purchase, we will pay you a million dollars to stand on the street and identify such individuals.”

This same principal holds true for all that we do in life. Each day the vast majority of human beings fail to recognize the wonderful opportunities they have for growth in their lives by allowing the fear of failure get in their way.

How many times a day does every one of us set our sights too low, and not understand that every time we communicate with another human being there is a friendship waiting to be formed, a business opportunity lost ... additional happiness to be achieved.

Every day I speak with middle and aging adults who tell me that they lost their mate and are living alone - with wonderful memories of the past. Life is not about the past - it is about today and tomorrow.

There is no such thing as a “Dead End”. When you are frustrated, and think you are faced with a dead-end, then move on and upward. Keep trying to achieve your goals and if you have done life right, when you leave this world your knowledge and spirit will remain to inspire others who you have met along the way and for whom you have set an example.

We were not born into this world to die. We were created to achieve greatness and live a valued life worthy of being remembered with pride. Only the weak fail, so look into the mirror and ask yourself, "Why I am here?"



Bernard ("Bernie") Otis is the author of the upcoming international bestseller, "How To Prepare For Old Age (If You Haven't Married Into A Wealthy Family)". If you have a question or comment, or a personal story about life and aging, please send me an email to seymour.otis@gmail.com

And, please be sure to support my friend Lorrie Caplan Shern's work. Information about her book and blog can be found at www.givingbirthtomyparents.com, and her wonderful songs can be found on www.soundcloud.com. Her phone is 720-652-6655.




Thursday, April 17, 2014

TECHNOLOGY AND THE MEANING OF HUMAN



Technology Has Not Really Changed Human Needs


Some definitions of Marketing:

You see a beautiful woman at a party, walk up to her and say, “I am very rich. Will you marry me?”

That is direct marketing.

You are at a party with friends and you see a beautiful woman. One of your friends approaches her and, pointing to you, says, “My friend is very rich. Would you marry him?”

That is advertising.

You are at a party and you see a beautiful woman. You ask for her telephone number. The next day you call her and tell her you are very rich. You ask her to marry you.

That is telemarketing.

You’re at a party, you see a beautiful woman and you walk up to her to buy her a drink,. You then offer to drive her home and tell her you are rich and famous. You ask her to marry you.

That is public relations.

You’re at a private party and you see a beautiful woman. She walks up to you and says, “You are very rich! Can you marry me?"

That is brand recognition.


There is a commonly held view that technology has changed society and the way we think and live. Just read newspapers and magazines, or watch television and the internet, and you will find all kinds of articles which speak about how the violence and crime we are hearing about daily is due to this change in technology.

My friends, the only thing that has changed is the way we communicate with each other. That is all. This is what has crippled our ability to establish and maintain the most important element of our lives, i.e., the ability to establish and maintain meaningful long- term relationships.

I was told recently that because of technology and the need for both parents to work, our youth no longer have their parents around them to guide and advise them. Nonsense. Parents are no longer around their children because they are using technology to babysit them.

Remember during World War II our dads (mine was not drafted because he was in an essential industry) were mostly off to war and our mothers had to work? Many of my generation were left on their own with a babysitter.

What was different was that, unlike now, our grandparents were living near us and we had their wisdom and experiences to guide us. Today, families frequently live far apart do not have that luxury.

Here is a message to all of today’s parents: Come back into your child’s life. Have family dinners, listen to and hear what your children are telling you. Be better aware of what their daily activities are.

Your children have questions about life. They need your guidance and stories of your experiences. They want to know that it is okay for them to make decisions about their lives. And they need to understand why faith and goodness are important as they live in a complex community.

Sitting in front of the television gives them a scary picture of what life is about. You need to not only explain how the hatred they hear about 24 hours a day is not what life is about. And, by becoming actively involved in doing good, you need to demonstrate that each one of us has a responsibility to make this a better word.

When you teach your children that while technology has helped us make many advances, it has not changed one bit the singlemost important of human needs - and that is the need to look one another in the eyes when we communicate, and not rely on indirect methods of communications.

I watched a dynamic, beautiful, captivating speaker recently as she made a business presentation using props and a large powerpoint screen. When she asked my opinion of her presentation, I said, "Turn off the powerpoint, put away the props and have the audience concentrate on looking at you.”

The next time she did her presentation, she did as I suggested. Later, she told me, with great excitement ... "It worked!"

We are not robots and we are not technical things. We are sensitive human beings and need to live our lives accordingly. We survived biblical times and we survived and grew without telephones. Computers may make it seem easier, but they unless we live smarter they will in the long run destroy our character.




Bernard ("Bernie") Otis is the author of the upcoming international bestseller, "How To Prepare For Old Age (If You Haven't Married Into A Wealthy Family)". If you have a question or comment, or a personal story about life and aging, please send me an email to seymour.otis@gmail.com

And, please be sure to support my friend Lorrie Caplan Shern's work. Information about her book and blog can be found at www.givingbirthtomyparents.com, and her wonderful songs can be found on www.soundcloud.com. Her phone is 720-652-6655.





Thursday, April 3, 2014

Weathering Life's Storms


Today’s Blog is dedicated to a determined and precious young child who, along with her family, needs our prayers as they go through a period of suffering and pain.

The story speaks for itself and once again underscores the fact that we all need to be prepared for the storms which affect our lives.

A dear friend of mine called and told me that a close friend of hers had a 7 year old daughter was complaining of headaches and when they took her to the doctor it was determined that she had a growth on her spine where it connects to the head.

She was in the hospital in critical condition, where tests were being done to determine the nature of the growth and what had to be done to save her life.

My friend asked me to accompany her to the hospital and help comfort the child’s family. I was most happy to do so.

When we arrived in the child’s room we were overwhelmed by the sight of Amalia, lying in bed with a brace around her neck.

We stayed for several hours as this small young person smiled, joked with us and played some of the games my friend had brought for her.

There is much to be done medically, including a surgery as her life hangs in the balance.

With tears in my eyes this Poem is written and dedicated to brave Amalia with prayers for her full recovery.


Pain and Suffering are not reserved Just for the Aging

Amalia is tiny, petite and ever so sweet
Just 7 years old and with a big smile did she us greet
As she laid quietly on the hospital bed
Gently resting her troubled spine and head

There was a dangerous growth eating away the bones in her body
Raising serious concern in the minds of her parents and everybody
That the life of this delicate loving child was in danger
And the community began in unity to say prayers for her

As we move through life there is one fact that is abundantly clear
That at times we must question why nature instills in us such pain and fear
But if we keep true to our faith we somehow gather the strength to grow through the storm
And with hope as our anchor return our life to its norm


Bernie Otis


Bernard ("Bernie") Otis is the author of the upcoming international bestseller, "How To Prepare For Old Age (If You Haven't Married Into A Wealthy Family)". If you have a question or comment, or a personal story about life and aging, please send me an email to seymour.otis@gmail.com

And, please be sure to support my friend Lorrie Caplan Shern's work. Information about her book and blog can be found at www.givingbirthtomyparents.com, and her wonderful songs can be found on www.soundcloud.com. Her phone is 720-652-6655.




Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Life’s Secret Ingredient That Never Gets Old


A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted as he stormed off to work.  

Later in the day, the doctor decided he should apologize. He called his home and the phone rang for a long time before his wife answered.
  

He asked her, “What took you so long to answer?"
   

She said, "I was in bed."
  

He asked "What were you doing in bed this late in the day?"


She replied, "Getting a second opinion."


So often I hear people say how happy they are and yet they fear that the day will come as that get older that they will lose their zest for life.

It has been my experience that the aging process, while slowing me down a bit, has had just the opposite effect. As I wrote my book and met and spoke with persons in their 60’s 70’s and up, one thing became abundantly clear: It is because my beloved Anna taught me about life’s secret ingredient, which you will learn about as you read this blog. I use this secret ingredient every day.

Whether they were married couples still able to interact, single persons in warm relationships or individuals who on a daily basis found ways to love and help others, those who daily expressed their love openly were the happiest.

No matter how old we are, no matter what our physical being, Love is the ingredient that gets us happily from the beginning of life to its end.

Just consider every stage of your life and how the love of your parents, your family and friends made your days so much more enjoyable when you kept your heart open to that love.

Oh yes, bad judgments were made at times, and just as Aaron’s sons went in different directions, the sooner the wounds were healed and love returned the happier the they became.

While this blog is about the love between two married aging people who have been an inspiration to me. They recently celebrated their 21st anniversary and although each has medical and physical problems their love for each other is in full blossom every day. 

However, the message goes much deeper. It is really about how at any age in your life you can find true happiness by Sprinkling the Ingredient Love on your relationships. Don’t waste one single day. People die, but love lives forever.

Yes, this poem is dedicated to my friends Ruth and Burt who enrich my life continually as they demonstrate in a real life way what the ingredient of love can add to our joy of living.



Age Does not Limit Lovebirds


He rides his motor cart wherever he needs to go

She pushes her walker very close behind
Although the neuropathy pain he feels from head to toe

He is one of the most kind and upbeat men you will ever find

She is beautiful and has always a smile on her face as she greets everyone around

And they help and encourage each other to be happy every single day
They express openly and lovingly how exited they are each other to have found
It is most exciting to see their many family members gather around them as for dinner the often stay


He tells funny jokes and laughs and sings with great delight
She always does her best to encourage him even when he’s off key
They go to in-house movies almost every night
To watch them as they hold hands is a great delight to see.


They say that as we age life’s excitement fades away

Well my friends there is no statement more unfitted
As Ruth and Burt so clearly prove in every way


It just takes two warm persons who to each other are committed.



Bernie Otis



Bernard ("Bernie") Otis is the author of the upcoming international bestseller, "How To Prepare For Old Age (If You Haven't Married Into A Wealthy Family)". If you have a question or comment, or a personal story about life and aging, please send me an email to seymour.otis@gmail.com

And, please be sure to support my friend Lorrie Caplan Shern's work. Information about her book and blog can be found at www.givingbirthtomyparents.com, and her wonderful songs can be found on www.soundcloud.com. Her phone is 720-652-6655.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

THE GREATEST MYTH OF ALL


A man walks into a bar and sees a very attractive woman sitting by herself. He has a drink and leaves, but returns the next day and the woman is once again sitting alone.

This goes on for a number of days and he finally decides to go over and talk to her. They have nice conversation and then he asks her if she would like to go back to his apartment with him.

She declines his offer and says “I suppose that it sounds crazy in this day and age, but I am trying to keep myself pure until I find the man I really love.”

The man is surprised and he says to her “I am sure that must be very difficult”

She responds by saying “For me it is really not to hard, but it really has my husband very upset.

Something strange and wonderfully exciting has recently happened to me and I want to share it with all of you, my friends.

I woke up around 1:A.M. recently and could not get back to sleep, so I went to my computer, turned it on and was staring at a blank page. What was I doing there I thought. My mind was a complete blank and then, don’t ask me why I typed in the word Myth.

And then I started to think about my Book and all of those who had been advising me and guiding my efforts to write it and BOOM  it occurred to me that everyone was giving me credit for writing it, when in fact I could not have possible done it on my own.

30 minutes later – unbelievable as it sounds the following words appeared on the screen:

The Greatest Myth of All

(I did it on my own)

Of all the well known Myths that we hear spoken of so often
Is the one which is least true of all “I did it on my own”
There exists no one on the face of earth not a creature or a person
Who can with a straight face say “I got there all alone”.

Did not your Parents advise and even help to guide you get there?
Was not your family there to pick you up when you fell down?
And when you were lost and quite unsure
Were friends not there to be certain that you did not drown

What about the teachers along with your faith provide the knowledge and support
That made your success most likely to be more achievable
And did not the accountant, professionals and the attorney
Who were standing ready in the background make your story so believable?
As you took the mystery trip and went on this important journey

So please don’t try to fool the world about the things you have done
It may have been your idea; you most likely were the source
It is okay to boast and cheer yourself for having a successful run
But just between the two of us don’t forget all the others who helped you complete the course.

Like out of nowhere I had suddenly become Poet and have now written over 30 Poems which will be soon put into a separate Book and yes shared with you. I keep laughing about this new thing in my life.

We all have it within us to do new things, change our routine, bring out our inner skills and knowledge and share it with the world. But we must also not kid ourselves into believing that we have done it on our own.

Like out of nowhere I had suddenly become Poet and have now written over 30 Poems which will be soon put into a separate Book and yes shared with you. I keep laughing about this new thing in my life.


We all have it within us to do new things, change our routine, bring out our inner skills and knowledge and share it with the world. But we must also not kid ourselves into believing that we have done it on our own.


Bernard ("Bernie") Otis is the author of the upcoming international bestseller, "How To Prepare For Old Age (If You Haven't Married Into A Wealthy Family)". If you have a question or comment, or a personal story about life and aging, please send me an email to seymour.otis@gmail.com


Wednesday, March 12, 2014

THE 85 YEAR OLD 16 YEAR OLD KID


When I was a 16 year old kid and saw an 85 year old man holding hands with a beautiful woman slightly younger than himself,  I asked myself  “How is that possible?"

But now that I am that 85 year old 16 year old KID, I think I finally know the answer

Love is like the seed of a rose bush
When you plant it in the Garden of Eden.

And then feed and nourish it
letting the sun and the moon shine upon it

You will smell the rich aroma and feel the love 
That comes from heaven above.

Bernie Otis

But first some exciting news: The reason you have not seen a Blog for the past two weeks is because I was finishing my Book and it now it is in the hands of the publisher and soon will be introduced to the public-WOW-Thanks for all of your support.

I have written extensively about the aging process and how society shields its youth from  the tragedies of life, thinking they do not understand such things at an early age.

The fact is that they do and I want, in today’s Blog, to demonstrate that as vividly as possible. In this regard, I honor the memory of Jay Glaser, a 51 year old highly-respected family man and attorney in California who died as a result of  an automobile accident on January 11, 2014.

As his family was sorting though his papers, they came upon some Poems that he had written at the age of 14, an age that society deems young and not quite ready to think of things like aging, serious love, planning for death etc.etc. 

Hopefully after reading these beautiful Poems that came from the heart of a mere KID you will agree with me that we all need to take the thoughts of our youth seriously and encourage them to speak out about their thinking

That is why this 85 Year Old 16 Year Old KID has written a Book talking about them and why in that Book I carry on a conversation with them so that they understand that they are important.

I know from speaking with Jay’s mother, Judy Cotton, a skilled professional, at his funeral the impact of finding Jay’s words had on her as she bid farewell to a son she so love.

May his words inspire us for years to come.

Poems Written By Jay Glaser – March 12, 1978
Jay Martin Glaser -  7/17/1963 – January 11, 2014


“WHEN  I  DIE  I  WANT  NO  MISERY
I  WANT  PEOPLE  TO  BE  HAPPY
REMEMBERING  HAPPY  THINGS”

___________________

“I  AM  NOT  A  MOURNER
I  LIVED  A  LIFE  OF  HAPPINESS
AND  THIS  IS  THE  MEMORY
THEY  WILL  VALUE  FOR  ME”

____________________

SHUT  YOUR  EYES  AND   THINK  OF  TIME   PASSING

THINK  OF   WHAT  THE   FUTURE   WILL  BE

NOBODY   KNOWS  WHAT  THE  FUTURE  WILL  BRING

IT  IS  TRULY   A  MYSTERY.

_______________________

OPEN   YOUR  EYES  AND  EXPERIENCE   LIFE

MAKE  LIFE   WHAT   IT   WILL BE

FOR  LIFE  IS  ONLY   WHAT YOU  MAKE  IT
TICK  TOCK  TICK  TOCK  TICK  TOCK

_________________________________



May he rest in everlasting Peace and his words live on into eternity
Bernie Otis



Bernard ("Bernie") Otis is the author of the upcoming international bestseller, "How To Prepare For Old Age (If You Haven't Married Into A Wealthy Family)". If you have a question or comment, or a personal story about life and aging, please send me an email to seymour.otis@gmail.com

Thursday, February 13, 2014

What Do You Do With Your Old Toys?


A man pulls over to the side of the road when he sees police lights in his rearview mirror. “How long have you been riding around without a tail light?” asks the officer. “Oh, no!” screams the man, jumping out of the car. “Calm down, it isn’t that serious,” says the officer. “Wait till my family finds out.” The officer asks, “Where’s your family?” The man turns to him and says, in a panic: “They’re in the trailer that was hitched to the car!”


Each day of our lives is filled with events which, if we would only stop, take a deep breath and see the potential they present for inspiration, can add meaning.

Several months ago I announced, on this blog, that my fourth great grandchild, Caroline, had been born. Her precious mother sent me a picture of her taken just after her birth. She looked so tiny, eyes closed, dressed in a cute outfit and resting in her mother’s arms – a "new toy" had been born into our family

And, alas, over the past eight weeks Carolyn, as seen by the latest picture received early just this morning, has suddenly grown from being a toy and became a child - a person with a smile on her face, big wide eyes and alert and well. She is no longer a “toy”, but a human being on her way up the ladder of life.

Later in the day I was visiting a 90-year-old friend in a skilled nursing facility. During our conversation, a physical therapist entered the room and said she had to have him do some exercises for 45 minutes. I agreed to wait in the visitor’s room.

As I was seated in that room I could see all the way down the corridor, which was lined with about 15 wheelchairs filled with aging persons in their 80’s and 90’s, in various forms of alertness and seated positions.

As I reflect on this scene, I realized that these were the remnants of toys born years before. As our toy no longer and now traveling the journey of life, it is both joyous and sad to see Carolyn's transition taking place. Why sad? Because I saw the elders, and many of them either didn't know, or accept the fact, that anything like this aging was going to happen to them.

How many times have I heard people say, “Oh, we do not have to worry, we have good insurance." Or, “We have a nice home and we can live our lives out there.” Or, “I don’t want to give up my independence, or burden my family.”

Talk to those who have experienced the real effects of that kind of thinking and you will quickly learn what a tremendous burden it in fact imposes on a family, and the danger it imposes on “old toys” when the proper panning is not done years in advance. More deaths occur among the aging as a result of falls than for almost any other reason. Simply because we are unwilling to believe that it can happen to us. From an early age we need to begin speaking to our loved ones about these issues as well as become realistic about our own aging process, and our willingness to give up our independence.

I would ask every person to answer this question; “What one thing would you want someone giving a eulogy upon your death (and we are all going to die) to say about you?” What I would want said about me is that I was “a responsible person.” A responsible person is one who plans the stages of their lives so as not to become an “old toy,” that someone now has to figure out how to find a place for when it's no longer useful.


Bernard ("Bernie") Otis is the author of the upcoming international bestseller, "How To Prepare For Old Age (If You Haven't Married Into A Wealthy Family)". If you have a question or comment, or a personal story about life and aging, please send me an email to seymour.otis@gmail.com

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

SOMETIMES, YOU NEED TO RAISE YOUR PARENTS ...



A young boy was speaking with his father and he asked him “How did we get born?” The father said, “Adam and Eve had children and when those children grew up they had children and that at has continued to this very day.”

The young boy asked his mother the same question, and she replied by saying, "First, there were monkeys, and those monkeys had children and slowly the monkeys began to turn into people like us.”

The child then went back to his father and said, “You did not tell me the truth. Mother just told me we were monkeys and the monkeys turned into people.”

The father said, “She was just talking about her side of the family.”


My good friend Lorrie Caplan-Stern, in her wonderful book “Giving Birth to My Parents”, tells the story of how - as she moved on with her life - she realized that she and her parents had gone in different directions and that she "in a sense" had to reverse roles and become the parent to her aging mother and father - so that they could all enjoy one another and strengthen their family relationship. I urge my readers to read this book.

My young friends, at a certain point in our lives we need to come to grips with the truism that we are no longer the child being raised, but the adult who must, just as our parents did when we were born, go through on the job training and learn to take steps to teach mom and dad how to live their new aging life. Easy it is not, but done right it yields big rewards including – Lots of Love. 

As the years go by we suddenly realize that our experiences in life and the decisions we make are in a different generation from that of our parents, and we need to have the patience and take the time to share our experience with each other so that we all understand each other’s thought process in raising us. Thus, as we listen to and help them understand why our life decisions vary from theirs, at the same time we gradually help them adapt to the changes that are taking place in theirs life.

We become the teachers and they are the children.

As Lorrie so excitedly says, this has made a wonderful change in her relationship with her parents and helped them make the journey though the final stage of their life with happiness and joy.

Each day, in my own life, living an active role in an assisted living center I watch as this process evolves. Those residents whose children visit regularly and communicate their feelings and thoughts with them are vibrant, active and happy. Those who are at different levels of understanding about their children’s lives are sad, lonely and have no level of happiness.

We all need to recognize that, as Lorrie points out, it is only by working together as a family and by being willing to change our belief system to meet the new challenges we face, can we truly say we lived our lives in bliss.

Bernard ("Bernie") Otis is the author of the upcoming international bestseller, "How To Prepare For Old Age (If You Haven't Married Into A Wealthy Family)". If you have a question or comment, or a personal story about life and aging, please send me an email to seymour.otis@gmail.com.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

HOW MANY CHANCES?



A 24-year-old woman lives with her parents in Connecticut. She is in love with a Navy officer from Virginia. She suddenly finds herself about to become mother and is concerned about her future. Her father, an old-time farmer, confronts the young lad and asks him if he is ready to marry his daughter. The Officer says that he cannot do that because he must take care of his ailing mother and father and, in addition, he is scheduled to go out to sea for an extended period of time. “However,” he says, “Here is what I will do.  I will give her $5,000 to cover the medical expenses involved and if it is a boy, I will give her $2,000 a month support and pay for his college education. In addition, if it is a girl, I will provide $5,000 for medical expenses, $2,000 a month for support and I will also pay for her wedding when that time comes.”

The father thinks for a minute and then asks, tongue firmly in cheek, “And if she has a miscarriage will you give her a second chance?”

Some people may not respond well to the above joke. It is placed here as an example of a potential real-life circumstance. Some of us believe we need to laugh at life's misfortune in order to cope. You see, as we journey through life we face many challenges, and each day brings new experiences to us. Yes, we were children once and suddenly we become the parents. There is no way to train for that position except to follow our instincts in each situation, hoping our decision will turn out right.  After all, didn't we more often than not react positively to our parent’s decisions?

Well, alright.  Not exactly. 

If this is not complicated enough, we suddenly find ourselves being the parents of our growing children and our aging parents. WOW! The fact is that sometimes we get it so wrong and make terrible judgments, judgments which bring pain, anger and disruption to our relationships. Can we be forgiven? Are apologies enough? Is there a second chance to redeem ourselves? Our faith may tell us there is - but what about those we love? Even though we may go on to redeem ourselves by leading good lives, helping others and making a positive contribution to society - not because we feel that we have to, but rather because we sincerely want to - what about those who were so hurt by our actions? Are they willing to forgive? Will they be willing to look inward and realize that even they had made bad judgments along the way? Maybe not as serious as those we made, but nevertheless judgments which caused us hurt, but which we overlooked to maintain our loving relationships?          

There was a talented young man (his name and some minor facts are omitted to protect his family) who gained fame and fortune during the 60’s. His story appeared in Time Magazine and at his funeral the most famed in his profession spoke of his accomplishments. Unfortunately, while traveling the world on behalf of one of his famous clients he, through their influence, became hooked on drugs, destroyed his family and his relationship with them, lost his professional standing and spent time in jail. When he came out of prison he dedicated himself to helping the elderly, and the poor, and, eventually, died from the results of his indulgence. His loved ones, as should be in similar circumstance, reached out to help him through his final journey, even though the scars left by his actions will always remain.

The message I leave to my readers is this: Yesterday is gone. Let us each day move on. In the words of Rabbi Alexander Steinbach, “Through Storms We Grow ...”


Bernard ("Bernie") Otis is the author of the upcoming international bestseller, "How To Prepare For Old Age (If You Haven't Married Into A Wealthy Family)". If you have a question or comment, or a personal story about life and aging, please send me an email to seymour.otis@gmail.com.



Wednesday, January 29, 2014

A LIFE OF HAPPINESS AND THE HITS OF PAIN - NO MATTER YOUR AGE

Three engineering students are sitting and discussing who it might have been who designed the human body. The first student observed that by the shape of the bones it must have been a mechanical engineer.

The second one suggested that because of the thousands of delicate nerve connections in the nervous system it certainly was an electrical engineer who designed the human body.

The third student voiced his disagreement with his friends and said it was obviously a civil engineer who did it. "Who else would be so stupid as to run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?” 


Today’s blog tells the story of two people, one aged and one in the prime of youth, and how they have both successfully found happiness while enduring pain and suffering. Both pain from illness at a young age, and the difficulties we encounter as the aging process infringes on our lives.  

Corey is a personable, enthusiastic and talented young man in his late 30’s. He is a skilled designer and construction manager in the food and beverage industry who, while working his way to the top, had a dream of one day owning his own helicopter flight service and doing what he most liked.

He met the love of his life, Amy, and they are raising two lovely children. Amy, a brilliant teacher and scholar, became very ill and has been dealing with a serious illness for several years. This has not stopped them from making each day joyful and  happy and they are determined to overcome their adversity.

Amy is continuing her education and teaching, and Corey’s talents have recently been recognized by East Bay Restaurant Supply in Oakland, California, one of the largest Food, Beverage and Laundry Design, Planning and Suppliers in the Country, to help them expand their services by opening an office in Southern California.



Rabbi Ed Zerin is a leading teacher of Reform Rabbis in the country. Ed is 93 years old has lost his first wife, and married his long time friend Jill who is in her late 70’s. Jill, a highly respected Speech Therapist, has recently been found to have cancer and is undergoing treatment.

He continues his successful book writing career, and they travel all over the world enjoying life despite their many age related situations. Ed even uses a walker to better get around.

I tell you their stories to remind you that life is what you make of it. Many times in my writings I have said that life can be meaningful and one can have happiness and joy, despite the pain and suffering that is part of the package - providing that you do not let yourself die before you actually die.

Not all of the trees in the forest are full of beautiful leaves and colorful bark, but even those that show scars fit well into the forest’s community and add to its beauty.

So no matter your age, each day of life find the thing(s) that put a smile on your face and meet your individual feeling of happiness and move forward with you life.

My life has been greatly enriched as I watch those like these couples enjoy their travels to their destination without flinching as they get past the glitches in road.

“She built herself a little house,
All walled about with Pride:
Took Prudence as a servant,
And locked herself inside.
She drew the blinds down tight as tight,
When sorrow chanced to roam.
Experience called –she sent down word
That she was not at home.
Then. wherefore, should she now complain
And wherefor , should she sigh,
That Life and Love and Laughter
Had passed unseeing by?"

Morris Mandel



Bernard ("Bernie") Otis is the author of the upcoming international bestseller, "How To Prepare For Old Age (If You Haven't Married Into A Wealthy Family)". If you have a question or comment, or a personal story about life and aging, please send me an email to seymour.otis@gmail.com.



Tuesday, January 21, 2014

TILL DEATH DO US PART


Till Death Do Us Part

When your life is filled with loneliness and sadness

And your love has turned to pain

It is time to stop and ask yourself how do I restore gladness

And live a happy life again?

When you have the answer don’t waste a day of life

Take charge and make it happen, no matter what others may say

Cherish every moment and eliminate the strife

Find a new love who fills your life with ecstasy each and everyday

And feel the arms around you, of the one whose only goal

Is to give you joy and happiness that excites your very soul.

Bernie Otis


A Message To My Readers:


There are times in our lives when the pain we are feeling does not leave room for humor. This is one of those times. Today's subject matter is of such a serious nature that levity must be put aside. Please read it carefully. Unfortunately, all of us may have to face this issue someday.



No vow is more important than those spoken when two persons exchange rings and enter a bonded love relationship.


But, for me, something has happened that has changed the dynamic and meaning of those words. In fact, several months after my beloved Anna passed away and I was starting my life over - still wearing my wedding band - I found myself constantly being asked where my wife was. I had to explain her death maybe twice daily, on average, which only became more and more painful for me.



One day, I looked down at my hand. I saw the wedding band and asked myself, “Should I still be wearing this symbol of marriage when the love of my life has gone? If I remove it, would it mean I love her any less?" After consulting with my religious leaders and close friends, I made a visit to her gravesite, talked about the ring and my love for her ... and then removed it.



Now, let’s look at the new world of reality. People are living longer but as I have discovered in researching my book, they are also living with diseases like Alzheimer’s (Dementia), physical and other health issues which, in turn, greatly effect their relationships or, better said, “destroy” their many years of loving marriage. These illnesses tend to turn their love partners into full-time caregivers living very lonely lives.



I once interviewed a man who was left in that situation for close to three years. He was distraught, facing the loss of his own physical well-being and lonely beyond words, but he was also (once) a married man. What was he to do now? How could he reconcile his needs with his moral responsibilities? His partner’s life was over – she had, in fact, already died.



Could he - should he - would it be unfair for him and to his family to begin some social activities? And, what if he met a woman with whom he had an emotional connection – and I am not speaking here about physical, although that could enter into the equation?



Even our spiritual leaders and skilled professionals are having a hard time dealing with this question. Maybe because I myself could easily be in this situation, my feeling is that the lonely person is the one to be considered and they need to look at themselves and decide who they are, where they want their life to be and, within the boundaries of honesty and fairness, seek the happiness they are entitled to. Do this while making certain that their mates' care - if their mates are alive, that is - is being addressed properly.



Keep in mind I am not just speaking about “old people.” How many times in recent years have you heard young athletes, business persons and others who are suddenly injured and paralyzed, leaving their loved ones alone and without someone to cuddle with and enjoy life.



Ever hear of Christopher Reeve? Even "Superman" was not immune.


When you love someone who is in deep emotional pain due to their life’s circumstances, you must put your personal desires aside and help them back to happiness, even if the end result does not include you.



Please drop me a note and share your thoughts about this dilemma.   It is something that needs to be discussed with your loved one and family early on in life, as no one ever knows what the next day will bring.



Bernard ("Bernie") Otis is the author of the upcoming international bestseller, "How To Prepare For Old Age (If You Haven't Married Into A Wealthy Family)". If you have a question or comment, or a personal story about life and aging, please send me an email to seymour.otis@gmail.com.