TILL DEATH DO US PART

Till Death Do Us Part

When your life is filled with loneliness and sadness

And your love has turned to pain

It is time to stop and ask yourself how do I restore gladness

And live a happy life again?

When you have the answer don’t waste a day of life

Take charge and make it happen, no matter what others may say

Cherish every moment and eliminate the strife

Find a new love who fills your life with ecstasy each and everyday

And feel the arms around you, of the one whose only goal

Is to give you joy and happiness that excites your very soul.

Bernie Otis

A Message To My Readers:

There are times in our lives when the pain we are feeling does not leave room for humor. This is one of those times. Today's subject matter is of such a serious nature that levity must be put aside. Please read it carefully. Unfortunately, all of us may have to face this issue someday.

No vow is more important than those spoken when two persons exchange rings and enter a bonded love relationship.

But, for me, something has happened that has changed the dynamic and meaning of those words. In fact, several months after my beloved Anna passed away and I was starting my life over - still wearing my wedding band - I found myself constantly being asked where my wife was. I had to explain her death maybe twice daily, on average, which only became more and more painful for me.

One day, I looked down at my hand. I saw the wedding band and asked myself, “Should I still be wearing this symbol of marriage when the love of my life has gone? If I remove it, would it mean I love her any less?" After consulting with my religious leaders and close friends, I made a visit to her gravesite, talked about the ring and my love for her ... and then removed it.

Now, let’s look at the new world of reality. People are living longer but as I have discovered in researching my book, they are also living with diseases like Alzheimer’s (Dementia), physical and other health issues which, in turn, greatly effect their relationships or, better said, “destroy” their many years of loving marriage. These illnesses tend to turn their love partners into full-time caregivers living very lonely lives.

I once interviewed a man who was left in that situation for close to three years. He was distraught, facing the loss of his own physical well-being and lonely beyond words, but he was also (once) a married man. What was he to do now? How could he reconcile his needs with his moral responsibilities? His partner’s life was over – she had, in fact, already died.

Could he - should he - would it be unfair for him and to his family to begin some social activities? And, what if he met a woman with whom he had an emotional connection – and I am not speaking here about physical, although that could enter into the equation?

Even our spiritual leaders and skilled professionals are having a hard time dealing with this question. Maybe because I myself could easily be in this situation, my feeling is that the lonely person is the one to be considered and they need to look at themselves and decide who they are, where they want their life to be and, within the boundaries of honesty and fairness, seek the happiness they are entitled to. Do this while making certain that their mates' care - if their mates are alive, that is - is being addressed properly.

Keep in mind I am not just speaking about “old people.” How many times in recent years have you heard young athletes, business persons and others who are suddenly injured and paralyzed, leaving their loved ones alone and without someone to cuddle with and enjoy life.

Ever hear of Christopher Reeve? Even "Superman" was not immune.

When you love someone who is in deep emotional pain due to their life’s circumstances, you must put your personal desires aside and help them back to happiness, even if the end result does not include you.

Please drop me a note and share your thoughts about this dilemma.   It is something that needs to be discussed with your loved one and family early on in life, as no one ever knows what the next day will bring.

Bernard ("Bernie") Otis is the author of the upcoming international bestseller, "How To Prepare For Old Age (If You Haven't Married Into A Wealthy Family)". If you have a question or comment, or a personal story about life and aging, please send me an email to seymour.otis@gmail.com.