A FAMILY AFFAIR

Father: Who do you love more, me or Mommy?

Son: I love you both.

Father: Let's say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France. Which country will you go to?

Son: Japan.

Father: So, you love Mommy more than me? 

Son: No, I just want to visit Japan. 

Father: Let's say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France. Which country will you go to?

Son: France.

Father: I knew it!

Son: No, I love my family equally. We'll all need each other for the rest of our lives.

Father: Really? Then why France?

 Son: It's just because I have already visited Japan. 

__________

“I’ll love you forever

I’ll like you for always

As long as I am living

My baby you’ll be”

- Love You Forever

Robert Munsch

Do you get the picture?

Family is everything ...

This blog is one of my more important, and heartfelt. As such, I will be quoting liberally from my upcoming book, "How to Prepare for Old Age (If You Haven't Married into a Wealthy Family)."

Why?

Because as I composed my book, I gave this singular topic a great deal of thought and time. I consider it highly appropriate to share some of those messages here (and, don't worry; you will absolutely still need to purchase the book for the rest - my roadmap for happiness and success as you travel through life's sometimes perilous journey).

So, here we go.

From da book:

If there is one thing that is an overriding issue in life and needs to be constantly addressed, it is family relationships. Nothing causes more pain, suffering and sadness than to have families that are filled with anger, jealousies and little or no communication and trust.

Yes, all of us, this author included, have at times had disagreements or ill feelings with other members of our family, but when you really think about it what can be so terrible as to cause us to throw cold water on those relationships and not be there for each other?

I know of an otherwise outwardly warm family who has several children and grandchildren. One of their daughters has a young son with a mental disability. The daughter and her parents have not spoken for years and thus the disturbed young grandson, let alone the rest of those involved, are deprived of having the love they most need.

How sad.

Consider the following:

On Sunday, July 14, 2013 CNN Reported that the Chinese Government passed a law that requires the families of aging persons living in Care Centers be required to visit their loved ones at least once every two months.

Wow!

Unfortunately, all too often as our loved ones age and our society becomes more mobile, the distances between us leave the elderly alone and sad. The fact is that many families use care centers as de facto “babysitters” for their senior members, as they wait for them to die.

This sad fact places an additional burden on the caregiver, usually a stranger, who nonetheless must now realize and work with the four factors affecting the needs of those in their care:

Many seniors have no children, or are estranged from their children, and thus must rely almost entirely on other close family, or surviving friends, to care for them.

A large portion of seniors have never married, are divorced, or have lost a spouse. This again makes them more dependent on others.

The cost of entering a care facility is increasing at a rapid rate and makes it difficult for them to be able to afford to do so. As ever - as we've discussed in prior blogs - it's all about the planning.

The quality of life for an aging person depends as much on their relationship with loved ones, as it does on their actual physical condition. What aging persons want more than anything else is the feeling of normalcy, knowing that they still play an integral part in and are still part of their family’s activities.

If a caregiver understands the above four factors, the life (lives) of those they care for will be substantially enriched.

Back to the book:

A phone call every day from a family member, or a friend, will always make a huge difference in the happiness of the loved one who receives it, and makes them feel (still) connected.

The opposite, of course, happens when there is no contact between family members. This leads to depression and, often, early death.

What is most sad is that because of petty jealousies, disagreements over lifestyle and religious differences far too many families have drifted apart and have no relationship, just at a time that it is most important for there to be one

I recently had a conversation with an 84 year-old retired successful businessman, who had lost his wife many years ago and had been living on his own until a physical condition forced him to move into an assisted living facility.

He has two children, one who lives close to where he is and one many miles away. He has had an increasingly difficult time physically and his family is most concerned about his health and need for assistance, but he refuses to listen to them. He insists that he can do things on his own, which he obviously cannot.

His stubbornness is placing a severe mental strain on his family, as well as on him because he will not accept the fact that he is now the “child" in the sense that the family dynamics have changed.

As we travel the journey of life we need to be very cognizant of these issues and make decisions with our loved ones well in advance of the time when our capabilities change and we gradually begin to reverse roles.

Once again ... Plan!

Any way you slice it, aging is not easy, just as the journey through life is not easy. We need are families and our families need us. In that sense, the overriding theme of this particular blog entry is simple:

It is time that all family members look in the mirror and ask themselves, “What can I do to bring our family closer together, and discuss ways in we can work to help each other ride out the storms that suffocate us as we proceed through the aging process?”

I promise you, all of your lives - and our lives - will be substantially enriched if you ask that one simple question ...

Bernard ("Bernie") Otis is the author of the upcoming international bestseller, "How To Prepare For Old Age (If You Haven't Married Into A Wealthy Family)". If you have a question or comment, please send me an email to seymour.otis@gmail.com.