“Herman is lying in bed near death. He suddenly smells the aroma of a freshly baked pastry of some kind. He hollers out to his wife, Rose: “What is it that I smell?” She says, “It is the apple strudel that I just made.” He asks. “Can I have a taste before I go?” She replies, “No, I am sorry. It is for afterwards.”
From
"How to Prepare for Old Age, If You Haven’t Married Into a Wealthy Family"
Bernard Otis
Er, I changed my mind.
I promised a blog on senior romance today. Well, yesterday was Halloween. Today is Friday, the day after. Monday is a brand-new week.
So ...
We'll get into romance on Monday. I promise! For the day after Halloween, meantime, as we see in the above headline, we'll start at death. Somehow, though emphatically no laughing matter, it just seems that much more appropriate ...
I have a friend. Don't we all? Well, perhaps most of us who are fortunate anyway.
He does not want you to know his name. His reasons are honorable, though I disagree. He is my first guest blogger.
"J" has a story that he would like to share with you. So Instead of me telling you my version of events (believe me, you'll be inundated with my words soon enough), allow me to introduce you to him.
Take it away, my friend ...
________
I've known Bernie Otis for close to seven years. I consulted with him on his first book, "Revenue Generation Through the Sale of Kumquats and Other Things”, and was quickly taken by his modest wit and effortless charm. As he alluded to just above, we became friends.
The book was completed and awaiting release; we stayed in touch and Bernie offered up some of his personal history. A family man who loved his wife, he clearly was one of the good guys. What I found all the more interesting about him, however, beyond his remarkable depth of professional wisdom as outlined in that initial tome ... were his unique perspectives on aging.
Simply, he seemed fearless to me.
Bernie's voice to me in those days resonated more than they would have at any other point in my life. My dad - my beloved father - was in the midst of a terminal illness that would ultimately take his own life. I kept his condition quiet. I couldn't face it.
Upon the release of Bernie's first book, he told me that his beloved wife and partner of over 30 years, Anna Patricia, was fighting a battle with cancer that would ultimately take her life.
I used to have conversations with my dad about getting older. In fact, when my brothers and I spotted his first gray hairs we teased him mercilessly. He said the same thing Bernie would one day say in response: "You'll get there."
My dad imparted so many life lessons to me along the way. "Always take care of your spouse, regardless. Become self-reliant so you wouldn't have to count on anyone for anything. Make a good home, raise a good family. Be careful with your finances. Always honor your parents."
He added this once: "You'll be 56 when I'm 80 which you'll notice isn't all that far away. Time flies very quickly and you'll have to help your mom take care of me in my old age." He was being sarcastic, but truer words have rarely been spoken. Shortly after the move to Florida, my father began to tire with alarming frequency. Trips to the mall with my mother became a chore; he had to sit down regularly. He began to forget things. And so on.
My dad was diagnosed with a terminal illness in his 60s. I visited Florida regularly from New York to help my mom, which as time went on became an increasingly difficult proposition.
Dad passed away, while in hospice care, on January 10, 2011. He was barely 70. In a sense, he never made it to "old age."
Two weeks before he died, he and I were alone in his living room. My mother was out shopping. Dad was on his favorite recliner and I sputtered, without forethought, "Are you scared?"
He responded with the words that changed my life:
"What do I have to be scared about?"
One week later he lost the power of speech. Days after that, he could not move. And then he passed, within hours, but not before my two brothers arrived in Florida so they could say goodbye.
To this day, I wish I had recorded more of my dad's conversations. About life, family. About loss. I did not take that opportunity.
Bernie Otis' upcoming book is that opportunity.
Bernie's wife passed away on October 8, 2012. She had lost her battle.
Unfortunately, I was not a very good friend then. My dad's death, and the months leading to it, left me - his oldest son - with a loss I feared could never be patched. I froze. I ignored friends. I argued with my wife. I didn't work - it was difficult enough to get through every day without him. Thankfully, I still have my mom, herself a breast cancer survivor.
I lost contact with Bernie for nearly two years. Time did fly. One day, several months ago, my wife asked: "Have you ever heard from Bernie?" I told her no ... and I was feeling guilty about it. "I wonder how his wife is doing," she said.
The following day, in one of life's inexplicable coincidences, after two years I received an email from Bernie.
The message was short: "Call me."
I called that day we quickly became re-acquainted and met in-person about his new book.
I told him how I froze after my dad's passing, I asked him about Anna. "Once she was buried, that was it. Time to move on. Leading up to that day was the most difficult."
Bernie Otis is 84 years old. I asked him the same question I asked my dad. "Are you scared?" His response was equally succinct and fascinating:
"Not at all. I do not fear death."
Today, I am consulting with Bernie on his new book, "How to Prepare for Old Age (If You Haven't Married into a Wealthy Family)". It's about time someone wrote a new book that is easy to read, and wisdom filled about the journey from Life-to-Death that will at the same time guide us through the steps we need to take to make sure our trip is smooth and that we do not die before our time.
Bernie lives in a retirement home yet he stays busy. He's not going anywhere so quickly. He has books and blogs to write, to fulfill his immense desire to teach others about what to expect along the way.
As he writes in his book, “ I do not want to die with the music of life still inside me.”
Maybe his "students" will not freeze up during the journey as I did.
I appreciate the help and guidance I have received from reading Bernie’s new and exciting book.
He's still one of the good guys ...
_________
Thank you "J".If my students do not "freeze up" ... then at least be productive for as long as you can. If your efforts leave a mark on just one person, like they have with my friend "J", consider yourself a success.
Okay, finally ... tune in Monday for Romance Tips from a Sexy Senior ...
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