Thursday, December 12, 2013

THE MOST IMPORTANT DECISION OF THEM ALL



What is the most important decision that we must make in our lifetime?

The Minister of a Methodist Church in Wisconsin was invited to giva speech at a local Rotary Club. The topic was “Marriage and Sexual Relationships.”

He was sitting in his home office writing the speech when his wife walked in and asked him what he was doing.

He told her he was preparing for a talk at Rotary and she asked him what the topic was. Not wanting to tell her the real topic, he said it was about "sailing boats." She was surprised, but said nothing more and quietly walked away.

Several days after the speech had been given, she was in the market shopping when a man called out to her: “Ms. Miller, hi! I am Larry from Rotary and I want to tell you that the speech your husband gave was the best I have ever heard”.

She said, “Really, I am amazed.” He asked her why, to which she responded, “He has only done it 3 times. Twice he got sick to his stomach and once he fell off the boat.”


What can I say? A bit of laughter is always good before the serious stuff.

And now ... the serious stuff. 

Decisions, decisions ... decisions. 


Every day of our lives we are faced with making choices that will determine our daily and long-term well-being and happiness.

Where should I get my education? What career should I pursue? What help do I need? Where should I live? Am I in love? What do I do about my health situation? Etc.

Sadly we are also faced with life and death decisions of not only our own, but those of our loved ones as well.

Not until I began research on my book, and at the same time began my own experience living in an assisted living center surrounded by the aged in various stages of their journey, did I realize the singlemost important and agonizing decision individuals, as well as their loved ones, have to make. This decision is not whether to pull the plug ... but when is it essential to give up our independence before we hurt ourselves or a perfect stranger.

Let me share a real life situation:

"Maria" is an active woman in her early-eighties, sweet, attractive and full of energy; she just cannot understand nor remember what is going on around her or what happened five minutes ago.

When I met her last year, she had just moved into my assisted living center and was still driving her car (I could never understand why nobody stopped her)She had family close to where she lived and appeared normal in every respect other than being in a fog.

I found myself helping her with various things including finding her room at all hours of the day and night and finding her keys and so forth.

One day (it was 95 degrees outside), she called me and told me she was locked in the back seat of her car, which was parked in front of a major shopping center. I phoned the police, the fire department, AAA and the department store security, and immediately went to where she said she was parked.

Without going into more detail, we got her out, and I drove her back to her residence and tried to reach her family without much success. She had misplaced her keys. Eventually, we found the keys, brought the car back and finally her family reluctantly took the car away.  

Back to the issue of independence. Almost daily we hear of innocent persons being killed by elderly drivers who should not be behind the wheel of a car.

Someone needed to make this decision for her. She got lucky, as the decision was made very late. 


Let me close today’s message with this thought:

Of all of the five senses, “seeing” is the most important - even if you are, technically, "blind."

When we walk into a roomful of people, we “see” what is happening (and, if you are blind, the other senses compensate to form the equivalent of vision - in my opinion; "seeing" is a metaphor). When we wake up in the morning and look at the sky we “see” how beautiful the sky is. Likewise, when we look at a person of any age we can “see" what they are like and what mood they are in, and what needs they may have. When we "see," and we do, our aging loved ones having difficulty walking, remembering, in pain, etc., you are guilty of neglect if you ignore the symptoms. If you do ignore these symptoms, and are not willing to understand the danger of these situations, the fault if something happens - qute honestly - is yours. 

Wmust all be alert and prepared to act when we “see” the danger ahead.


I will say it one more time, in another way. If I get "blue in the face," so be it. The most recent studies on aging, death and dying clearly confirm that as many as 70% of the crippling injuries and serious illnesses resulting In death are due to falls by the elderly. These falls are most frequently followed by long hospitalizations - and often death - due to pneumonia. All of this is a ramification of failure to recognize and act on the need to give up one’s independence.


Remember, our journey from life to death can end prematurely if we fail to "see" the obstacles in our roadway, or not making the decisions necessary to avoid them. 




Bernard ("Bernie") Otis is the author of the upcoming international bestseller, "How To Prepare For Old Age (If You Haven't Married Into A Wealthy Family)". If you have a question or comment, please send me an email to seymour.otis@gmail.com.








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